I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
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