im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
be right there i have to get my cape
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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