Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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