U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
