I got chris browned last night
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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