if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
