The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
