i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
