Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
