People in love make me want to vomit
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
