Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
