So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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