I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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