The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just high enough for therapy.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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