If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
