I hope mine doesn't look like that
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
