You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
