I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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