What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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