I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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