Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
