my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
