Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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