have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
