if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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