9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We have started to decorate penises.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize