I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize