her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
