I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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