I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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