I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
