just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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