i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
