I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
