You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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