he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
