That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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