You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
