You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
