I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
