In the future we'll all be gay
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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