remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
