She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I AM VODKA MAN
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
