if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
