So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
