Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
