i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
