Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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