It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
