your thong is hanging out like whoa
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
