There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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