I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
