Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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