My first STD was from a foam party
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
