he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
