Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
