1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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