Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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