Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
