i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
