imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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