Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
