remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
