We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Hippo gnu deer
where are you?
Hypothermia
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize