Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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