Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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