It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
