he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
