the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
