I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
