That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
