I want to stick my p in your. b.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
