I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
