remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
