it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
