Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
