Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
