I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
