Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
