last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize