The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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